It's Like That Baby Shower Game, Only Different
Hubs and I have this little game we like to play called, "Let's pick the gender of our next child."He's set on one; I'm set on the other.
I subtitle the game, "WE'LL SEE WHO WINS."
I didn't get to pick the gender of my first two kids. We rolled the gene pool dice, and ended up with a pair of boys.
We chose a China adoption for our third child, knowing full well we'd end up with a girl.
Then we moved right on to a Taiwan adoption, requesting another girl to complete our "matched set." "Every girl needs a sister," we'd say. "Two boys and two girls." Perfect.
Well.
That plan fell through, and now we're on to a whole new game. This time around we get to pick our child from a list.
OH THAT SOUNDS LIKE A BREEZE.
"Ummm, honey? You're now the father of 47 children."
Excellent!
Our one criteria is that the child be younger than our youngest (who is currently 2 1/2). It's a birth order issue. An important issue.
What we can't decide on is the gender. Oh, I know. It doesn't really matter. We'll be happy with whatever. It will all work out.
BUT WHAT'S THE FUN IN THAT?
I want to hear from you. If you were in *my* shoes, what gender would you choose and why? Lay it all out there. I want your stories and your experience at my decision-making disposal.
I might even let you know which way hubs and I are leaning. (Currently? Opposite directions.)
18 comments:
Ooooo, that's a challenge!
So, my
Having all boys myself, the upside is:
No PMS
None of the catty emotional manipulation, their emotions are all right there on the surface
and
Boys are not "easier" than girls, but they are "simpler"
Right?
But the downside is... when they grow up and get married, they so often gravitate to the wife's family.
I know, that's all deeply spiritual and meaningful, right?
But you, being a thoughtful soul, are probably thinking, "Which is harder to place, little girls or little boys?" and choosing accordingly. Or choosing one of each?
That's JUST the kind of comment I was looking for, Julie!
I also assure you that "deeply spiritual" would not define my life right now. Unless, of course, you count the 876 prayers I say each day for the return of my sanity.
Personally, I would go with a girl. If you go with another boy, your daughter will be the only girl and the only Asian (perhaps) in the family. By adopting another girl, you are giving your daughter someone she will have more in common with, at least as far as gender is concerned.
Girl, I read your email's religiously and every time I see your darlin' girl's sweet face, I know why...you get it.
As the mama of a sweetie from Jiangxi and 2 other wonderful girls, I am very partial to girls. On top of that, I do think that there would be a TON of merit to having your 2 yr old's sibling in crime be the same sex but hey, that's just me.:)
You know, I figure our girls must be about the same age and we must have been there about the same time! My dd is 27 mo.
Do you know Erin at The Dream Continues? She is one of my bff's whom I met while we both waited for our adoptions. Well now she too is waiting for her angel from Taiwan! Small world.:)
Good luck with your choosin'! Sooooooooooo NOT easy!
Girl..I grew up with two older brothers and what would I have done without my sister? She didn't beat me up (though I guess some sisters do...or so I've heard), we connected in a way that I never could have with my brothers (they didn't giggle with me and tell secrets). When (Drew doesn't like to hear that word) we adopt again, I would like to adopt another girl. I think any adopted child is going to have some identity issues (no matter how good of a job we do) and I think it will be helpful for Isa to have a sister that knows better than any of us what that feels like. But boys are GREAT. I love them like crazy and think they are hysterical. And I do look forward to no PMS with them. But "A daughter is a daughter for life. A son's a son until he gets a wife."
As your friend who got to "pick" the gender (male) of her last two kids...
And "pick" one right off a list...
And who has two girls and four boys...
And whom you KNOW prefers boys...
And who has a heart for adoption...
I think I would pick boy. And girl. :)
There. Everybody's happy.
Well, I have no experience in choosing, but for practical purposes such as hand-me-downs and sharing rooms, it's helpful to have siblings the same gender "next to" each other. So I'd say girl unless you have a 5-bedroom house and can afford all new clothes for each child (in which case, adopt two, one of each).
Oh see, Kelly beat me to it. As someone who is about to adopt a sibling group of 4, I highly recommend a brother and sister. Of course, that would bring your kid count to 5. That just might prove your insanity, but we all knew you were bent that way anyway.
Of course, my less snarky answer is to ask yourself what you are equipped to handle. This was the big question we had to answer, being first time parents and all. Your answer to that question will change a kajillion times (obviously we didn't set out to adopt 4 kids), but by the time all is said and done, your answer will be clearer than you think.
And yes, we considered being parents to 47 kids. We wanted everyone on the list.
It's a challenge. We call it "kid shopping" at our house. Not only are we going to pick the sex - but we're going to pick an age too as we're not going to follow the birth order of our existing three boys. Kid shopping always makes me a little nervous as I end up wanting to take a bunch of the kids whose profiles we read. It also makes me feel sad that I can't help them ALL.
Our oldest (11) and youngest (4) will be our "biological bookends" if you will. Our 5 year old was adopted at birth.
We want to adopt... oh... maybe one to three more kids. Though - preferably - a sibling group. That way our (current) middle son will have someone to share the adoption experience with. And the older kids will have each other to share the experience of being adopted as an older child.
As for sex, that's all still up in the air. I think if there is a girl in the group it'd be OK. (I really want some "fancy" as I like to call it. There's a LOT of camouflage in our house!!) But - since she'd be coming in to a house already loaded with testosterone, some of those factors will have to be considered with her personality. If I had my way, I think I'd like an older girl, and middle boy and a baby girl sibling group.
We just pray for the future siblings that we'll hopefully be able to add. It's all in God's timing though and I'm sure He'll know what we need when the time comes.
BTW, that's a great family pic.
Someday you'll look at it and say,
"Oh, remember when there were just five of us?!"
Well I like what Kelly had to say pick one of each....but if that isn't possible then I would say a girl. Of course I am a mom of 3 girls and I think it is so fun to see the girls interact with one another by playing house and barbies and all the other fun things girls do together. E definately needs a sister!
How exciting! I say GIRL! Growing up it was just me and my big sister. I can't imagine life without her. Every little girl needs a sister...if you can choose. They will be each others very first best friend. Plus, two of each is just perfect.
Go for the girl. I have three and they are the best!
Really. Girl, girl, girl, girl, girl!!!
Or you could do the always effective eenie, meenie, minie, moe. :)
You know what was weird for me? Choosing my child's birthday. I was going to have a scheduled C-section and the doctor asked me to choose the date. I told him that seemed wrong, God should choose the date. He said, "Well, God will be my scheduling secretary in this case then."
"Works for me," I said.
She scheduled it for April 9, which is coincidentally my own birthday.
The family photo is too cute. Your daughter absolutely has your smile.
As the mother of one of each (you being one of the two), I can see benefits of both - go for it. Didn't I try to get you to adopt twins while you were in China getting "E"? Good luck with the decision - we will love whichever you get, of course.
Wow! Melanie is right! She does have your smile!
Double Wow! Your mom is so totally behind you on this! That is awesome! We hope to adopt some day, but our 5 are keeping us way busy, and the youngest is not a year yet.
As for choosing, that would be a hard call, so I will facetiously say this. You will have a much easier time matching your children's clothing (like you already do with your boys) if you adopt a little girl! :)
Follow your heart. :)
A girl! A girl! I don't have any other reason than to say that it will even things out!
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