My Exit Interview With The Fibers

Talking about fiber is just an acceptable way of talking about poop.

I've got my hands in the excrement e-v-e-r-y... s-i-n-g-l-e... d-a-y of my life anyway, I might as well learn the science behind the stuff.

(My teachers? Would be so proud.)

As the Stretch Mark Mama (SMM), I was able to get an exclusive, up-close and personal interview with the creators of poop: The Fibers.

Let's start with the Mister.

SMM: Tell me about your name.

Mr. Fiber: My Mama gave me the name "Insoluble," but all my friends call me "Sponge."

SMM: What an adorable little nickname. How'd that come about?

Mr. Fiber: Oh, it all started when I was a kid. I'd sit at the lunch table and beg juice off my friends. I just loved to drink! Drink drink drink drink drink drink drink!

SMM: How'd that work out for ya?

Mr. Fiber: The more I'd drink, the bigger I got. But that's a good thing, really. Cuz that'd get me movin', which kept everyone movin', especially the bad guys. Know what I mean?

SMM: It's a lovely thing. You keep soakin' and cleanin', all right?

But I didn't stop there. I invited the Missus to say a few words as well.

SMM: And how about your name, dearie?

Mrs. Fiber: It's a lot like My Main Man's name, only shorter. I'm called "Soluble."

SMM: And your friends call you...

Mrs. Fiber: "Sticky." Or when they're talking behind my back, "Slimy."

SMM: Classy.

Mrs. Fiber: Yeah, but they don't know the good work I do. Shoot, it's dirty work, but I do it. I take the same juice that the Mister takes, only instead of letting it puff me up, I let it change me. I let it transform my very being into something, well...magical.

SMM: Women are like that.

Mrs. Fiber: Exactly. I use my very existence to soak up the bad, and protect the good.

SMM: Mysterious. Beautiful.

And there ended my time with the ever-so-practical Family of Fiber. Hope you had a little fun while learning about the differences between soluble and insoluble fiber.

Stay tuned for the next installment: Mr. and Mrs. Fiber Create Little Babes.

I didn't really need to say that.

Go eat your fiber, and think about this revealing, gettin'-the-stink-out interview.