An Adoption Update. Because You Asked.
All And one of those two isn't even my Mom!
(See, Mom? I have friends! Two friends!)
We've been pursuing the a$d$o$p$t$i$o$n of our fourth (and final! AND FINAL, DO YOU HEAR ME?) child from Taiwan. A little girl, under 18 months. A match for our China girl, shall we say.
In other words...
I HAD PLANNED MY WORK AND WORKED MY PLAN.
And then the fees went up, and our agency closed, and we got schlepped to another one, and then I plucked a chin hair, and then the fees went up again, and then the economy took a nosedive and then and then and then.
Still, there was nothing holding us back from completing that adoption except more time, more paperwork, and more money.
Well, nothing except a convicted heart.
With every fee increase, I was forced to ask myself...
Oh! It hurt to ask that.
Oh, don't pass the Hatorade 'cuz I'm not drinkin' it. (I love my cousin! She has the best phrases!) There's everything good and right about adopting an Asian child, and nothing wrong with paying a reasonable expense. After all, I did that very thing with Child # 3! But this time the situation was different and I felt my motives were all misaligned. I had convinced myself that--regardless of the cost--the only way our family would be functional was if there were two girls to match.*
Snnnerrrrkk...
Functional, schmunctional. We barely had that before any of the kids came along.
Meanwhile, a friend of mine started talking to me about the kids she knows. Kids in my state, in my city. Kids, who--for a variety of reasons--need a mom and a dad.
Oh, I HATE it when PEOPLE start putting FACES and NAMES to the STATS.
So, after exploring all our options, including the ever popular, Satan Entering My Body Through Pregnancy...
We changed.
We stopped the Taiwan adoption and signed on to adopt a child from our state.
I don't know what the future holds, but for once I feel back on track. Back to following what is close to my heart; back to risking and growing and changing.
*Note to my dear, dear friends who have matching Asian children: I mean no offense. Truly. If the circumstances were different, I'd continue that route in a heartbeat. Taiwan is the one Asian country we still qualify for, but few children are available, and many people are lined up to adopt them. Add all that to the fee increases, and I no longer felt that it needed to be *me* standing in that line to adopt--for the one and only reason of having a child that matched.
Hugs and kisses to all of you who've adopted. You know how the process is fraught with difficult decisions (but sweet rewards).
If you are interested in keeping up with the nitty-gritty of this journey, I encourage you to follow me on Twitter. There will be adoption updates along with the usual snarky remarks.
If you aren't a twitterer (yet), but DO have a feed reader, you can subscribe to my Twitter feed. Or! It's new! I hope it works! You can get all my twittering nonsense e-mailed to you, in one daily chunk. How cool is that?
Well, nothing except a convicted heart.
With every fee increase, I was forced to ask myself...
"Just how much am I willing to pay for an Asian child?"
Oh! It hurt to ask that.
Oh, don't pass the Hatorade 'cuz I'm not drinkin' it. (I love my cousin! She has the best phrases!) There's everything good and right about adopting an Asian child, and nothing wrong with paying a reasonable expense. After all, I did that very thing with Child # 3! But this time the situation was different and I felt my motives were all misaligned. I had convinced myself that--regardless of the cost--the only way our family would be functional was if there were two girls to match.*
Snnnerrrrkk...
Functional, schmunctional. We barely had that before any of the kids came along.
Meanwhile, a friend of mine started talking to me about the kids she knows. Kids in my state, in my city. Kids, who--for a variety of reasons--need a mom and a dad.
Oh, I HATE it when PEOPLE start putting FACES and NAMES to the STATS.
So, after exploring all our options, including the ever popular, Satan Entering My Body Through Pregnancy...
We changed.
We stopped the Taiwan adoption and signed on to adopt a child from our state.
I don't know what the future holds, but for once I feel back on track. Back to following what is close to my heart; back to risking and growing and changing.
*Note to my dear, dear friends who have matching Asian children: I mean no offense. Truly. If the circumstances were different, I'd continue that route in a heartbeat. Taiwan is the one Asian country we still qualify for, but few children are available, and many people are lined up to adopt them. Add all that to the fee increases, and I no longer felt that it needed to be *me* standing in that line to adopt--for the one and only reason of having a child that matched.
Hugs and kisses to all of you who've adopted. You know how the process is fraught with difficult decisions (but sweet rewards).
If you are interested in keeping up with the nitty-gritty of this journey, I encourage you to follow me on Twitter. There will be adoption updates along with the usual snarky remarks.
If you aren't a twitterer (yet), but DO have a feed reader, you can subscribe to my Twitter feed. Or! It's new! I hope it works! You can get all my twittering nonsense e-mailed to you, in one daily chunk. How cool is that?
11 comments:
You know our second adoption took several different directions for the same reason (matching), so I completely understand. I'm thrilled for you to be on this new path, which is really the path you were on all along, but just didn't know it. It makes perfect sense....now. :)
Lisa, I am so glad that God has shown you a different path.
There are so many children in need in our own country. Carol
I'm weepy!
For obvious reasons, stateside adoption is close to my heart...so when I see that God has moved someone's heart to adopt here, I just start crying. It's the nesting, I know. You've seen the pics.
And your welcome for the phrase...but I should admit that I stole it from a friend.
thank you so much for sharing this!! Adoption is so close to my heart and we plan to do it someday, but only when God pushes it towards us and shows us where to go. It can be so hard sometimes to reevaluate a situation that you want so badly. I am glad you found the path you are supposed to be on.
Thanks for your comment on my post about my mother-in-law. Last year, someone who reads my blog but who I've never met, emailed me through a mutual friend of ours asking about interracial adoption. As I was emailing her, I realized that I had never even asked my husband what he thinks about whites adopting black kids. The woman I was emailing was in a bit of a tizzy after having read some "whites shouldn't adopt black kids" material. Anyway, when I asked my husband and told him some of the stuff she'd read, he actually snorted (the first time I have ever heard him snort!) and said, "That's ridiculous! Any kid who needs a home is better off with love and family, than with none." He was really adamant about it.
So that's awesome you're pursuing it!
You follow God, and we'll cheer :0)
Julie
I am so excited to hear your update on your adoption process. I can't imagine all that you guys have throught through and prayed over in the last months. The cool thing is none of this has been a surprise to God because He is all knowing and in control. So although this is "new" news to us it isn't to Him!!! I can't wait to get some more updates. So when do you think this will all happen, do you have any time frame? I'm so excited for you guys!
We're back to square one when it comes to process. We have to do a new home study (third one!) and 30 hours of training before much can happen. We want a child younger than our youngest (2 1/2) so I imagine that will add to our wait as well. So the quick answer is...a year or two. Hard to tell, though. This process is still pretty new to me. International adoption? I'M DA BOSS. Domestic? Not so much.
My good friend just posted about "affording" adoption. I know it's a very difficult subject. Blessings to you on your journey.
God Bless You!!! There are so many children hurting here in our country. It makes me sick when I hear that parents are dropping them off in states that allow that.
I understand that you want a young child again and a girl, but maybe God has an older sister for the Suz in his mind!!!!
I'll be praying for you all.
Wow, it's nice to get to know you and your process. We (my husband and I) are constantly talking about wanting to adopt in the future...lately I'm wondering if the future should be now. We'll see.
Thank you again for candidly sharing!
Heidi
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